Monday, June 16, 2014

Actively Passively Aggressive.

With HB starting a new job and our switching insurance providers (thank you US Congress for removing pre-existing conditions clauses!), the bureaucratic flaming hoops pushed my three month endocrinology check-up back from June to July and I must admit I am feeling anxious about my next A1C.  I'd been slacking back in December with a general apathy toward the world of diabetes and let my A1C increase into the abnormal range with a reading of 6.5.  Feeling self-depricating and flat out pissy about my inability to be under 6.0 without constant focus on my blood sugar readings, I remember Dr. Rogacz looking at me and plainly saying "get over it, perfection just isn't gong to happen."  You can imagine the dismissive internal monolog my brain launched into at this...

Obviously this particular "get over it" method of diabetes management is beyond my scope of comprehension, so I decided to implement a more passive-aggressive approach toward my pancreas by starting on the Dexcom G4 Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM).  Instead of making me prick my finger or forearm several many times a day to check my glucose levels, my CGM enables me to weekly insert a (rather bulky) sensor into my abdomen and then passively glance at the number and trend line displayed on my i-pod sized display screen.  Letting the CGM do the active work of testing every four minutes (yes, essentially constant), I can pretend I'm non-diabetic all I want without having to endure bruised and sore fingertips.   Granted, I have to calibrate the sensor daily (+) so I am not test kit free, but at least there is some emotional distance between me and my pancreas that didn't exist when my apathy shot my A1C up to 6.5.  

In a circular logic kind of way, my creative interpretation of "passive diabetes management" with the CGM is actually much more actively aggressive than it was before -- even when I was testing 10+ times per day during the pregnancy with GV.  By rarely testing my blood sugar but regularly monitoring the constant sensor information about my glucose levels and trend patterns, I lowered my A1C from December to March all the way down to 5.9!  It seems that despite my continued annoyance with the reality there's no "getting over" being diabetic, I owe all credit for my sanity and overall health to the technology that I'd previously been avoiding...  ironic.

Perhaps in being curious about what another three months of CGM usage will do to my next A1C I am actually starting to take Dr. Rogacz's advice to some degree and I'm finally curbing my apathy towards my diseases.   I definitely have my hopes up that I'll have an even better reading than 5.9 this go around and, as much as I may try to pretend otherwise, that shoots my "don't give a dang" facade straight in the foot.

My July 3rd appointment can't get here soon enough.

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