Monday, April 29, 2013

You have ...

While walking around the INOVA Fair Oaks Hospital last week doing this test and that scan an unwelcome knot began to coil in my stomach on top of the other obnoxious symptoms I've been experiencing.  But unlike the unidentifiable pain in my back, twinge in my abdomen, all encompassing fatigue and plummeting blood sugars, I know without a doubt the cause of this gnarling, rancid, snaking sensation: sheer dread.

The idea of more white coats, of being hospitalized and generally of being sick again makes me thoroughly miserable.   I'm 27 years old for goodness sake!  I'm supposed to be spry, youthful and energetic - you know, able to leap tall buildings in single bounds and all that jazz.  But, as sorry as I am to admit it, ever since I got sick in 2011 there has been a persistent shade of gloomy-blue in my life...  I'm sick and, until they discover a cure, I'm not going to get better.  Of course, it's unfair of me to say that I haven't gotten better with the use of my insulin pump and incessant glucose testing because the fact is that I no longer have DKA and my diabetes is not getting worse.  However, when my chronic condition regularly gets me bumped from "I'm sorry you are sick, but wait your turn" to practically having "STAT" stamped on my forehead the moment I walk into medical buildings for efficiency purposes it's a little disheartening.

Now, I fully appreciate that my doctors are thorough and that they never feel comfortable labeling anything as "just a virus" or whatever because of the possible worst case scenario, but dagnabbit people! With absolutely none of the tests coming back with clear results, my GP advised that I come back into the hospital on Friday to be rehydrated.  When I flat out said "no, I can drink my own dang water, thank you" she then requested that I at least follow up with the following morning at their immediate care clinic, which I thought perfectly reasonable.  But then, on Saturday morning, when the next two doctors to examine me found zero trails to follow they seemed to be pursuing the medical equivalent of an invisible yet mischievous pooka down random rabbit holes... worth it? I think not.

Now I might be stubbornly calling the hunt off too early and there's still a possibility that I may have to eat some hospital version of humble pie sometime in the next couple weeks, but without a reason for more poking and prodding I'm done being the poor, pitiful patient.  If it's something as simple as a virus, then sleeping on the couch a while longer should put me right.  If it is more than that, then, well, I'll have some more definitive symptoms to follow and we wont waste our time trying to track down something it's not.

With that, it's nap time.  GV in the crook of my arm and GW in "the boat."    

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