Thursday, January 24, 2013

Two Year Anniversary

Two years ago today, at some forgotten hour in the afternoon my existence changed with a diagnosis of diabetes.  I remember the relief I felt that day when the doctor announced my newly acquired accessory (because, let's face it, diabetes manifests itself as battery operated, pocket sized baggage) as if I'd some how dodged a bullet and gotten off easy -- it's not cancer, after all.  But sitting here 730 days later I can't help but feel very sad that I wound up in such a serious, long term committed relationship with artificial insulin.

In a lot of ways I feel like I am married to my pancreas and not in a happily ever after, ride off into the sunset kind of way -- it is more like the drunken, bad idea, spur of the moment Vegas wedding with divorce banned in the prenup kind of way.  I was a happy, healthy and independent woman before January 24, 2011 and then BAM! I woke up and found myself in bed (one that I did not make, by the way) with a disgustingly lazy pancreas that is inexcusably and exhaustively high maintenance.  I don't like it, I certainly don't love it and I'm sick (literally) of it.

Honestly folks, I am tired of being diabetic.  I am (postpartum-exacerbated) depressed about being diabetic. I mean when you get the flu it is horrible and you curl up in the fetal position for a week or so and then you're back up on your feet, good as new.  But with diabetes, it's emotionally like I've had the flu ever since I left Georgetown Hospital.  I rationally understand that the disease I have could be a worse one and that my diabetes is not nearly as bad as it could be (or as the flu feels), but the work it takes to keep it this way and to prevent all of the worse diseases that diabetes can cause takes constant attention.  And I am tired.  I want to be done.  But there is no cure, there is just treatment.  Maybe someday this will change, but until then the unfortunate relationship continues.

So, my non-honey, anti-sweet, not-so-dear pancreas, happy anniversary.  Seeing as this is year two, I guess I'm supposed to give you something cotton and I think any one of these t-shirts expresses my true sentiments about you.  Take your pick!

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