Three years ago at 9:43 PM he was born and my life was turned completely upside down. I was terrified to become a Mother - I didn't know if I had it in me to be what a child needed me to be (I hate - HATE - babysitting) and I didn't think that he'd be all that thrilled to have me as his Mom. But, with the grace of God, the mommy-genes kicked in while I lay in my hospital bed that night holding him... he was this tiny bundle who filled my arms like the missing piece I didn't know I was previously without. I remember thinking "this is my baby" and that I had been completely ridiculous to even worry about my ability to attach.
Within the following days and months, it gradually hit me just how irrelevant everything else in my life was. My feminist views, no matter how relevant to my younger self or how important similar opinions are for others, just compiled an incomplete self-perspective. My job, no matter how cool it seemed, was just a job. My career aspirations, no matter how high they reached or how within my grasp they came, were only about me and not inclusive of my family. I know it's controversial to some (and to you I make no apologies or excuses), but making the choice to stay home with GW and be a full time Mom was simple. I didn't - and still don't - find him to be something I can compromise over and by making him and my family my priority I know I'm doing what my heart says is right for me and I am enjoying every moment of it.
Of course it's not all rainbows and pop tarts - there are tantrums, potty training tales (HB is teaching him to stand at the toilet - Lord help me!) and I have found that there is absolutely no such thing as a day off. But all of those frustrating moments balance out with wonderful little things like the adorable way he says "oh my gosh" when he's excited, how his tickle pocket makes him belly laugh and how he has an unending interest in classic musicals (he's perfected Dick Van Dykes performance of "Me Ol' Bamboo" from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and he's practiced his auditioned to be the eighth brother in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers several times). I love how he covers his ears when he's scared, how he insists I need him to hold my knees so I don't fall into the toilet, how he always behaves well when he sees Santa Claus at Mass and how he still thinks that knocking on the refrigerator is the required secret code to get a glass of milk. He's just adorable.
What can I say? I'm the typical gushing parent and while the stereotypical shoe might fit I will unreservedly shout from the roof tops that I am proud of who he is and that I am grateful for the person he is helping me become. Someday he might read this post and be embarrassed by what I have to say, but you know what, kid, I love you, you make me happy and that wont ever change.
So happy 3rd birthday, angel, and may you have many, many many more.
|October 2011 and October 2012 birthday portraits |
- my goodness he is growing up quick!