Saturday, September 15, 2012

Endocrinology appointment blues.

Friday evening I went into the endocrinologist for my every three week diabetes and pregnancy appointment only to have her announce I need to come in every two weeks AND call her every few days. Thus far in this pregnancy when I've had issues with my blood sugars, I've just adjusted my own pump rates and rolled out without continuous help from a medical professional.  But now that the placenta is making me increasingly insulin resistant on a reliably horrid three-to-four day cycle the fine tuning that goes into making my sugars just right is requiring a collaborative effort.

I guess it's a positive thing that she wants to be more involved and to help make sure that my tight control continues to be tight, but, realistically speaking, you could say that I am both insulin and assistance resistant...   my independent, "I've got this" nature doesn't really serve me well in such situations.  I mean after 3+ years of marriage I am still learning to accept HB's assistance when he offers it and since I've only been diabetic for a year and a half-ish, it's just weird to be giving someone that kind of trust and input.

Okay, yeah, I know that is what I am paying her for and I appreciate that she is taking the initiative to push me, but it's a source of self-pride that I've done most of my diabetes care on my own with the help of medical professionals limited to writing necessary prescriptions.  Setting pride aside, I can rationalize and am working to accept that she's here to help limit the high bgs I don't want to subject Baby to and to prevent the low bgs that are increasingly dangerous due to the risk of falling in the third trimester. Makes sense, right?  And any way, since my endocrinologist isn't associated with the hospital I'll be delivering Baby at, I'll gain 100% of my diabetes independence back for game time any way and that's a fair trade off in my head.

On a different note, the big problem I had with my appointment on Friday was that it took almost a hour for me to get back in to see the doctor.  I was the last appointment of the day, so I understand that earlier delays in the day in combination with exhaustion makes for an expectable lack of promptness but when the office requires that all insulin pump users suspend and remove their pumps upon arrival so that they can download all of the data for their charts the delays can be irritating.  So while I was able to remain patient for their tardiness, I was surprisingly anxious and grumpy about my pump being disconnected so long.

HB couldn't help laughing at me for this because of my inconsistency - on one hand liking to take my pump off during infusion changes and on the other hand being visibly uncomfortable with my nakedness without it at the doctors office.  And while he has a point, I have to argue that it's completely different circumstances and reasons... at home, I voluntarily take off my pump and I make the choice to actively protest my pancreas; at the doctors office, I involuntarily take it off because of their data necessity.  The purpose of having it off is disparate and both situations introduce vastly different emotional mind sets... so, yes, I love not wearing my pump, but of course I feel naked without it.

Really, what else have you come to expect from me?

Any way, we'll see what my sugars do the next couple days and how the call with the doc goes on Monday.  I anticipate I wont be getting out of this an every few day phone call... ug... so God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and just move on.

No comments:

Post a Comment