Friday, July 13, 2012

Okay... so...

Today was a strange day and I'm not entirely sure how to digest it.  We had yet another prenatal appointment where the docs simply wanted to check on my blood sugars - and, duh, they're still phenomenal.  We then had our level II ultrasound to check on the baby and learn more about what is going on...

The good news is I do not have complete placenta previa like they initially thought. The bad news is that the first half of the sonogram showed a partial previa and the second have showed none, so there still remains a possibility that a partial previa exists and we'll just have to continue watching its placement as the pregnancy continues.  I guess there is some concern about potential fetal-growth issues as a result of the location of the placenta, but we won't know anything more about that until closer to the third trimester.   

I am (and HB is too) somewhat reluctant to be hopeful at this point about the prospects of being "complication free" (minus the diabetes of course) because the emotional yo-yoing of the past couple weeks has taken a lot out of me (us).  It's definitely a different kind of care we receive here in VT than in VA and, to be completely honest, I find it a bit unnerving.  Another doctor today asked me why I consider myself to have juvenile diabetes... he then followed that up by mockingly dismissing the "uptight" (aka comprehensive) doctors of NOVA and established that "well, this is Vermont... we do things at a much lower level."  Um, not too confidence building here people.  For the sake of my sanity and the copious amounts of school work I must focus on in the next couple of weeks, I'll just nod my head, say thank you very much for the exam and please mail comprehensive reports to my docs in Virginia... and then once we're back we can get into the details of what may or may not be happening and what exactly needs to be done about it.  It's out of my hands and in God's, so we'll just let him handle it between now and then. 

There was some bad news at the appointment, though, that I feel compelled to share...   we found out we're having a girl... A G-I-R-L.. meaning pink and bows, dresses and curls, sugar and spice...  I honestly don't think there is an appropriate word or sequence of words that I can put here to thoroughly express the bewilderment that HB and I are currently feeling... Don't get me wrong, we're excited about Baby and we're thrilled that things seem to be developing as normally as they possibly can, but we've just become so comfortable with our son and the idea of little boys that the idea of a daughter (that word does not roll off of my tongue naturally) is just completely foreign.

Ironically, when we found out we were pregnant with GW back in 2009 I went through several weeks of wishing wishing wishing for a daughter before we had the 20 week ultrasound.  I had this picture in my head of the Gilmore Girl's mother-daughter relationship and I found solace amidst the shock of it all in the closeness such a relationship could bring to my life.   Disappointed when we learned that we were having a boy, I promptly spent the next couple months sulking about it and slowly coming to grips with this concept of raising a son (a word that did not roll off of my tongue naturally).  But once he was born and placed within the embrace of my arms it was complete love at first sight... I couldn't remember why I wanted a girl instead of this beautiful little boy.  

GW's heart string...  3 days old.
And so it turns out that God has a sense of humor about these things... this time hoping for another little XY we're given an XX.  My prayers for a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy have been answered, but in exchange for another little life twist.  If history is destined to repeat itself as they say so often it does, I'm sure that my current feelings of perplexity will disappear when Baby is handed to me and she grasps that heart string I've reserved just for her.   

I don't have anything else to report at this point and will touch back with you all when I do, but the next thing we have in a couple weeks  is the fetal echocardiogram to look at Baby's heart development more closely.  Based on what we saw today, it looks like we can expect that appointment to go very smoothly, but it's definitely the biggest mile-marker for how my diabetes is affecting the baby's physical development.  So we'll see how it goes.

** Thank you to everyone who sent up prayers for us 
and shared warm fuzzy positive vibes with the universe!! 
Your support and love is very much appreciated! **

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