Monday, July 16, 2012

3:04 AM

I don't know if it is because of my growing baby bump that my back is bothering me as much as it is or if it is the manifestation of my stress knotting itself into reasons to lay awake tonight, but it's 3 o'clock in the morning and I've been wide awake for almost an hour.  The power light of our macbook was flashing like light house beckoning me safely home in the turbulence of my thoughts, so we'll see what this pitch-dark post makes itself out to be...

I almost dropped my pump again today when it got caught on GW's foot as I helped him step out of the truck.  Fortunately I had a free hand and was able to grab the cord before it fell too far from my infusion site and rip itself from my skin.  We were in a pretty remote part of VT at the time away from our rental place, so I didn't have a solution ready at hand were that to have happened.  I typically have an emergency SureT set up in the center console for times like this, but this wasn't my car and I don't carry around the necessary equipment to handle more than a hypoglycemic episode.  Before being a diabetic I didn't even carry a purse, I just threw my phone and wallet in the back pockets of my jeans and rolled out.  But now that I am out of college, need to carry glucagon and a requested matchbox truck or two for my son, I have no interest whatsoever in further conceding defeat by needing a full on diaper-bag, over-sized purse to replace the one I already lug around along with my book bag.

While I was surprisingly coordinated today in my pump saving reflexes, I unfortunately haven't been quite so quick or quite so lucky at other times.  One time, I turned around to reach for GW in his car seat and the infusion site I had placed on my oblique caught on the seat belt buckle and tore out... Another time, walking down the hallway of our home while carrying a bin of clean laundry I failed to notice my pump tubing loop the door nob to the bedroom and riiiiiiiiip there it went... While lying on the floor playing with one of our dogs, Gracie, she snagged a loose end of cable with her nails and spastically tugged it out in a playful bounce.  And there was this other time when snuggly-sleeping with HB that the cord somehow got wrapped around his arm and my site went with him when he rolled to his other side.  Let me tell you... between the shock of having a cannula pulled out of you unexpectedly and the pain of the tape detaching itself from your skin, it is not a fun experience to go through!!

I don't know if any of you have had an IV administered to you before, but for those of you who have, do you remember the extra caution that went into your every movement so as to prevent the tubing from becoming snagged on anything that might require the nurse to reinsert the IV?  Perhaps I simply have a more innate distrust of that tape stuff they use than other people do, but each time I've have an IV my motions are far fewer in number and much more deliberate in purpose than they are normally.  Well, wearing an infusion set is to one degree or another similar to this - but because it is always there, it's easy to forget about it or to not notice when the tubbing is hanging out farther than it really ought to.    So while I am extremely attentive to the perceived inability to flex my elbow while wearing an IV, I am sometimes blissfully unaware of my diabetes to my own detriment... blissful ignorance replaced with an instantaneous reminder of reality. Oh joy.

That reminds me of those random moments when sitting down to a meal that I absentmindedly go to pick up my sandwich and enjoy the food in front of me without remembering the loaded sentence "I'm a diabetic" first.  It's absolutely wonderful to take that bite and enjoy the quality bread and other ingredients without concern, but when the thought hits that I am savoring unaccounted for carbs, I have to put my contentment in normalcy aside, lay down my food and be the disease again.  In a lot of ways I am envious of the other type 1s who were diagnosed as kids and don't remember what it was like to not be diabetic... I spent 24 years becoming accustomed to life and eating as a healthy person and it's sometimes very surreal to realize my life has been divided into a before and after shot.

So while you're sitting there enjoying your bowl of Cheerios tomorrow morning (that is 20 grams per cup of regular - non-honey nut - Cheerios and 13 grams per 8 oz of milk), take a moment to realize how nice it is to be healthy... I didn't appreciate it enough before I got sick and hind sight being what it is, it would have been nice to make the connection of how good I had it before sugar became a problem.

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